Shinya-kun
by The dudeoffanfiction
Summary: "You wipe away my tears...That's how I know you've always cared." (A Yamato 2199 character study)
1. Chapter 1

**Shinya-kun**

**1: Lasting in the Midst of Change**

_**A/N: This story is a narration of Itou Shinya's (the security chief on the Yamato in 2199) life story. Every chapter (except for two) will jump a few years or so.**_

_**A/N: This is a short story. It won't be any longer than 5 chapters.**_

_2181 10:20 PM_

"We're not moving,"  
I wasn't going to stand for it. I didn't care how "wonderful" the Shiga prefecture was supposed to be.

I wasn't moving.

"Itou-kun,"

My mother bent down on her right knee, meeting my eyes with a sympathetic frown. "I know it's hard, but Shiga has been gaining some popularity lately. And I don't just mean the locales,"  
I straightened my posture questioningly.

"Thanks to the artifact discovery several years ago, the area has significantly increased in value. One of the best universities in the country is in that region."  
She almost desperately consoled me, gently placing her hands on my shoulders.

"Itou, this isn't about any one of us. This is about you and your sister's future."

She tightened her grip. "Please, try to understand. We're only thinking about what's best for you,"  
"Then we wouldn't be moving!" I said, shaking out of her grasp. "I wanna stay here, my friends are here, I have everything I want here, and I don't want anything to change."  
"Shinya,"  
My father sternly interjected.

"We know what's best for you. I will _not _let you turn into the failure of a man I was."

I stared into his eyes, pleading tears begging him to reconsider his stance. It was a hopeless gesture, of course, my father never backed down when he emphasized a command. Being young, however, I felt I could do anything I put my mind to. A bit of a stubborn idealistic streak if you will.

Realizing my plea, he crossed his arms, and stoically shook his head.

Well, I tried.

"Dad-"  
"I'm sorry, Itou," He said, softening his defense by using my first name. "I hope one day you'll understand why we did this."  
"Yeah right,"

He furrowed his eyebrows sternly.

"How could I when there's nothing to understand?"

I dashed out of the living room hall and into the large, woody area behind our house.

"Give him time," I faintly heard my mother console him. "He'll be happy again,"  
Sighing, I threw my body down on the pine wood porch right above the ground, and tightened my fists impetuously.

At that time, I was a bit of a deep thinker. I dare say I was twice as intelligent as the kids who were still growing up around me. Academically, I had earned my parents' respect years ago, from the time I'd started first grade. In reality, I should've seen their decision to move coming a mile a while.

However, I was only _twice _as smart as the people around me.

"Shinya!"  
I would've recognized that voice if I was miles away from my home driving in one of the noisier garbage trucks. She had a tendency for rather loudly announcing my presence, despite the fact we'd been family for six years now. My father joked it was a sign of feminine arrogance at an early age. It was quite a bit of time before I understood exactly what he was talking about.

"Shinya-kuun!"  
Predictably, I couldn't stand that shrill screech for very long.  
"I'm out here!" I yelled in tone, adding somewhat of an amateurish malice under the pitch of my words.

Stomping loudly across the hard-wood floor, she growled viciously in my direction, placing her hands childishly on her hips.

"Why are you so mad? Ya didn't have to yell, you know."  
On the contrary, my sister's dialect was quite typical for a six year old girl.

From the day she was born, I'd felt a rather strong averseness to the idea of having a sister. Everything about her reeked with a domineering sense of innocence that I just couldn't stand. Calling it foolish jealousy would most certainly be accurate, as I could never logically justify my pestering fears.

"Leave me alone," I said, turning my head to the side. My sister, however, was one of those people who didn't like to give up.

Jumping from the little elevated porch above the grass, she scooted around my despairing figure, and met with my eyes.

I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of getting angry. Instead, I looked to the other side.

She met up with me again.

I faced the other side.

She met up with me again.

At this point, her impertinent behavior had far exceeded my tolerance level. Thus, I reacted accordingly.

"Would you get out of my face?! Dang, you're annoying."  
"Itou," Her imitation of mom could have used work. "Don't try to scare me. Big brothers are supposed to take care of little sisters."

"I'm not big; I'm short for my age. Why do you think I don't play sports?" At the time, that was one thing I'd said to her that was actually true. It never bothered much, but I couldn't help feeling a streak of envy when I noticed how tall some of my classmates were. Had it not been for my superior intellect, I might have acted more pensive towards them for it.

"That's not what 'big brother' means. You know how that works, right? You're suppose to luv me, and take care of me, and make sure I never cry."  
"Well, if that's what a big brother is to you, then you better find a new one." I shifted myself away from her again. "You wanna know why I'm so upset? I'm sad 'cause mom and dad said we're moving."  
"Moving?" She didn't get it. I should've expected her to be ignorant of such a concept. "What does that mean?"  
"It means we're going to be living somewhere else!" I felt bitter tears stinging the corners of my eyes as I yelled. "Now do you get what I'm talking about?"

I threw my face forcefully into my knees, retracted into a fetal position, and cried. I hated crying; especially in front of my sister. It made me feel both immature, and useless. Ultimately, I just wished my sister would get the idea, and buzz off.

She did get the idea, just not in the way I was thinking of at the time.

The next time I looked at her she was crying.

Her face was buried deep into her hands. I noticed a couple of tear drops fall on the pine wood edge she sat on.

"_Stop crying… Please, I can't cheer you up right now. I can't…"_

She annoyed me. When she was three, I lost my temper whenever I couldn't understand her, and I rarely ever went out of my way to do anything for her. I never really tried to protect her, and there were many times I was certain I didn't love her.

But I could stop her tears.

"Hey,"

She looked up at me, her bright auburn eyes red from crying.

"Don't cry, okay? Only big brothers are allowed to cry,"  
I stroked one of her loose, chestnut bangs behind her ear. I gave her a couple of minutes to compose herself before continuing.

"Do you wanna know why I was so angry?"  
She slide her finger under her eyelid, and nodded.

"Okay," I took a deep breath, gazing at the crescent moon illuminating the sky below.

"I don't like it when things change. When things change, I don't know what I'm supposed to expect. I have to learn what the world's like again, and what the people in the world are gonna be like. It sounds weird, but I wann… want to make sure I know what's right in front of me. I… I hate feeling like I stuff is different. I don't want to feel like I'm… Not as important as everybody else."  
I glanced back her way for a moment. "Does that make any sense?"  
"Yeah," She sniffed much the same way I did. "And it sounds selfish."  
I never was very good at trying to express my feelings. Whenever I did, it either sounded like I was losing my temper or that I didn't even have a basic grasp of my language skills. I shouldn't have been surprised that my six year old sister would respond in such a way.

"Hey, I'm not trying to be selfish," I huffed, forcing my eyes back towards the stars. "And even if it is selfish, I already told you I wasn't a big brother."  
"That's not true,"  
"Huh?" I focused my eyes on her, a carefree smile erasing the tears in her eyes. "What do you mean?"  
Out of the blue, she wrapped her gentle little arms around me, burying her face into my side.

"Because you wiped my tears away." She smiled even brighten than before, revealing year-old dimples on her cheeks.

"That's how I know you love me,"  
The shock in my face turned into peace. I smiled just like her, and patted her head with my hand.  
"Alright… But if you get to you love me, then you have to meet a condition."  
"A condition?" She said, retreating from her embrace.

"The word's not important," I sighed. "If you get to love me like you say, then you have to promise not to cry."  
A childish promise. An idealistic promise. At that time, I thought I could do anything. I thought I could save the world.

"Can you promise me that?"  
She puzzled over my words. Only for a moment, though. She responded by giggling an infant's laugh.

"I promise,"  
I thought I could make sure she would always love me.


	2. Chapter 2

**2: Adolescence's Strong Divide**

_2185, December 23, 7:05 PM_

"Never seen a more festive young lad,"

My body crumbled helplessly against the ground, reeling pitifully against the wooden planks below me.

"'Already been arrested three times this December,"  
A low, bellowing laugh escaped the police guard's lips.

"Again?" My mother said, focusing her accusatory eyes at me.

"Yeah," He jerked the half broken cigar out of his mouth, tapping the rear end against the knee of his pants. Although I'd only known the imperious braggart of a police officer from the times he'd escorted me home, I could tell he had no regard for the smoke-free cigars, or the more predictable nicotine patches which had grown exponentially in use over the past few years. It seemed his desire to demonstrate his high moral standing was off-set by his tobacco addiction.

"Little punk was whacking a storage truck outside of town with a lead pipe. Real cheeky of him to think he could get away with that,"  
"Is anyone going to press charges?" I was surprised to hear the edge in my mom's voice when she spoke. I considered whether she was just losing her temper, or if she was irritated by the man's arrogant behavior.

"No, they weren't willing to prosecute the little animal," I glared tensely into his eyes. "Not in the middle of the Christmas season. He's lucky they ain't heartless mother-hating reprobates like him."  
He was about to start cackling again when a high-pitched warning sound blared from a portable communicator on his belt. Groaning, he thrust the device up to his ear.

"Yeah… Alright,"  
He silenced the communicator.

"I gotta go. Somethin' going down at a shuttle landing site not far from here,"

He bent down to meet my eyes.

"I expect you to keep _him _out of trouble, ma'am."  
He lowered his dark blue cap above his eyes, and slammed the door. My mother placed her hands on her hips, and stared straight into my soul.

"Really, Shinya? Two days before Christmas? Really?"

Fourteen hadn't exactly been a great year for me. My first year of high school, and I'd felt lost from the first day. My greater level of intelligence was no longer a factor I could say I held above other people.

After a couple of days of letting life take its course, I had enough.

I stopped attending classes entirely.  
Of course, what made such behavior even more concerning was what I did in my spare time. I'd gotten myself involved in gang violence, and was frequently committing petty crimes to earn my respect in their ludicrously determined hierarchy. There were times I was able to escape without getting caught, there were times I didn't. However, there were other, less bearable times where I was forced to face with the responsibility of what I'd done.

I don't think I need to explain that this was one of those times.

"So?"  
I stubbornly kicked the door behind me, and plopped my body into the front chair at the kitchen table.

"I have a right to do what I wanna do."  
"Do you realize how upset your father would be if he found out about this?" She tightened her fist. "Ever since you started high school, you haven't cared about anyone but yourself."  
My mother had been a more congenial person until she found out about what I'd been doing. Because of my doggedness, I had eliminated some of her deeper sympathies, replacing them with anxieties of my own making.

She was still kind, of course. She just didn't show that kindness much in front of me.

"You don't get what high school's like, do you?" I slid my chair away from the table. "Life's tough these days. Everybody's scraping to be at the top of the pack. If you can't get up there with 'em, you have to take what you can get."

"What happened to you?"  
She said, her voice straining to stay quiet.  
"What _happened _to you?"

"I'm still the same person,"  
"No, only in the most meaningless sense of the word," She leaned her right hand on the counter top a few yards in front of the table. "You never tell us anything anymore. You spend your afternoons, evenings and probably mornings hanging out with those reprobates, getting yourselves into trouble all the time. You never spend any time with the family, and you don't even spend any time with your sister—"  
"I love my sister!"  
I slammed my hands against the table, rattling the wood inside.

"Don't ever doubt that!"  
Unsurprisingly, my mom was taken aback by my rather forceful retort. Sighing, she placed her hand on her forehead, clearly exhausted with the whole thing.

"I don't,"  
My anger retreated slightly.

"I don't doubt you love your sister. I don't even doubt you love your father and I."  
My eyes followed her as she walked across the floor.

"It's just… I want the boy who cared about his life back in my home."  
My mother had recited a similar speech to me several times before. She made sure to alter it every so often so I wouldn't feel the pain of being lectured as much, but it never worked for me. I was the type of person who took more pain from implications rather than words alone. Since her implications were always the same, the pain always hit just as hard.

I jerked my front bangs angrily.

"I…I'm sorry, here I go again," A frown crossed her face. "I've been trying too hard to reach you with something I know you won't listen to anyhow."

"It's not because it's you," I explained as calmly as I could. "The reason I'm so upset is because you never take the time to listen-"  
"I know what's been happening at school, Itou. The teachers told us right after we found out you had been cutting classes."

_That doesn't tell you anything. _I shook my head defiantly. _They won't tell you the truth._

"If you had told us sooner, we might have been able to help-"  
"How?"  
I yelled, standing up from that quaint little table once again.

"How were you supposed to help me?"  
Once again, my mother was left speechless. Our psychological duel had ended.

I say 'ended' because it never felt good to 'win'.

Cursing under my breath, I dashed away from the kitchen down the hallway leading to my bedroom. My loud footsteps were more than likely to attract my father's attention, but I didn't really care if he woke up. If anything, the shades of black blanketing the walls with uncertainty bothered me more.

As soon as he heard about what happened, my dad had tried to be reasonable with me. Through both a sympathetic and down-to-earth attitude, he'd tried to explain why my actions were wrong. Although we'd talked almost ten times a week after my behavior started, he soon grew tired of fighting. Eventually, work took up more of his time, and he never felt he had the time to speak anymore.

I felt sympathy for his position. There were times I'd secretly admit that I knew what I was doing was wrong.

But I was uncoordinated. I couldn't find a reason to face up to my actions, nor could I see a reason in endure being the victim of lion tamers' acts.

So lately, whenever such conversations arose, I'd always end up running away.

I was planning to run all the way to my room, but an opening door to my right side stopped me in my tracks.

My sister was always looking for a reason to stay awake. Ever since she'd started fifth grade, she'd felt a firm obligation to stay awake longer than anyone else in her class did. In that way, I ascertained she was painfully immature.

And, of course, she was just as loud.

"What are you-?!"  
"Shhh,"  
Well, before correction that is.

"What are you doing up so late?" She said, enunciating each word in the statement.

"It doesn't matter," I said.

"You got in trouble with the po-lice again, didn't ya?"  
"That's none of your business," I growled under my breath.

"Don't try to hide it from me," She smirked evilly. "If you have something you wanna talk about, you can talk."

I glared at her, the amoral deficiency in my eyes noticeable thanks to the light. "Don't even think about it,"

I twisted the doorknob behind me, and slipped into my room.

"Hey, hey wait,"  
My fist tightened the knob so hard, I heard it squeal. "What?"

"I wanna know,"  
"I'm sick; a disease that needs to die. What more do you wanna know?"  
"_Don't _say that!" She raised her voice. "If I hear you say that again, you'll regret it."  
I sighed, letting my eyes close. I released the door knob, and quietly strode towards her direction.

"Why does it matter if I die?" I narrowed my now open eyes.  
"Because you're my brother,"  
She sneered.

"And I love you,"

I frowned. The orange light in the background, somewhat appropriate for the mood revealed that I'd lost my scowl. My eyes showed a conciliatory gaze of hopelessness.

I stared at her seriously.

"You need to stop relying on me one of these days."  
"Idiot,"  
She kicked her foot against the door.

"Alright. Go on,"  
I leaned my back against the hallway. She, meanwhile, was standing slightly away from the right border of the doorway, glancing over at me as if she held some type of authority over me.

"Why did you start acting weird?"  
I groaned.

"Answer the question,"  
I didn't bother glaring at her. It would have been hard for her to see my face in the dark anyways.

"I wasn't ready to be a teenager,"  
A childish beginning, I never thought I'd end up telling her about my problems. As a matter of fact, I was under the equally juvenile impression that I would continue my way of living without any roadblocks at all.

I never expected to be turning to her again.

"All of my life… I knew exactly where I was headed. I mean, I'm the smart kid. I learned about my surrounding as soon as I could in elementary and middle school. When I got to high school, I wasn't ready to face a hostile environment. I… I wasn't ready to deal with everybody hating me."  
I paused, taking a chance to sweep my overgrown bangs out of my eyes.

"So, when it happened, and I didn't know what to do, I was desperate. I'd been above other people before, but I'd never been beneath them. I always knew what I was doing, one way or another. When there was no one who truly respected me… I turned desperate to find someone who would."  
I placed my head back against the wall. "That's why I started hanging out with the bad guys. It earned me a little bit of money from time to time, and I never had to worry about not being able to earn respect. They wouldn't bat an eye as long as I did what I was told. I never thought about how long I might be doing it, I never thought about how long I'd be missing school. I…"  
I turned away from her.

"I never thought I'd be so stupid."  
Dead air. A static ringing in my ears was all that kept me awake. My sister didn't make any noise to show she was awake.

My story was done. She had nothing to say.

"What am I doing?'

Her head shifted.

"I'm heading to bed. If mom and dad wake up, tell them I was throwing a fit. They'll understand."  
I slipped down the hallway back towards my door. I opened the door, and walked inside. She was inside her room, but her door hadn't closed.

I faced her from across the hall.

"You have nothing to say? You aren't gonna complain that I'm a loser, or call me an idiot? You aren't gonna tell me why I'm wrong?"  
Her eyebrows creased as she stared into my eyes.

"You know what's right,"  
I snorted indifferently. "Yeah, I guess I do."  
I started to close the door.

"Shinya?"  
I tightened my grip on the door.  
"_What_?"

"Don't die like you said you would… Promise?"

I smirked slightly before closing the door.


	3. Chapter 3

**3: Bond of the Reconciled**

_2189, April 4th 8:08 PM_

"'Thanks for the help,"  
Shoving another backpack filled with binders, notebooks, and notes from my senior year "Criminal Justice" class, I gave Akemi a smirk. "You're not going to ask for anything in return for this, are you?"  
"Of course not," She skipped over to the pile of supplies we accumulated in the corner of my living space and tapped the last bag we moved in a childish rhythm. "After all, I'd wait until I was thirty-three to date someone if it meant helping my brother get set to become a 'keeper of the peace' for the UN Cosmo Navy."  
I crossed my arms suspiciously. "What do you want?"  
"Nothing big," She batted those big auburn eyes with endearing innocence. In my less argumentative moods, that was all it took for her to get me to do something. "I just don't want you to make a surprise appearance at my high school so you can 'boost my self-esteem' in front of the other kids."

"I don't see why the thought bothers you," I shrugged helplessly. "After all, it's free publicity; your ace, super-cool brother associating himself with you would do nothing except make you popular, right?"  
"I wanna be judged on my own merits," She huffed, leaning her back against the wall. I was glad she'd be wearing a school uniform, because her over-sized "Yuusuke Yoshino" T-shirt would earn her glaring looks from otakus, much less adoration from well-adjusted high schoolers. "I don't need your name to help me with that,"  
"'Hasn't it worked out well for you before?"  
"Remember when I was 11 years old?" Fuming, she cocked her head in my direction. "Because you 'felt bad about being a jerk to me during your delinquent phase', you wanted to tell everybody at school what a great friend I was. Instead, I had to listen to my peers chide me for having such a dorky older brother!"  
"That was back when I wore glasses and didn't take good care of my appearance" My hand swept across my slick raven hair. "I'm devilishly handsome now; how could I possibly affect you bad now?"  
"Back to my original point," She shut her eyes. "_Steal the spotlight,_"  
"Well, I do have a habit of doing that," I frowned. "But, I was earnestly trying to help back then,"  
"Can I really believe that?"  
"Well . . . " My lips stuck out in earnest consideration. While I remembered being a bit more frank about my intentions in those days, I wasn't sure whether I'd developed my enigmatic wit or not. "'Probably,"  
Her lips cracked in befuddlement. "How did you get any friends in high- never mind!"  
Her hand stops me from referring to my bishonen flair. "My bigger question is why the teachers were willing to put up with you,"  
"A well-balanced individual knows how to act in certain situations," Placing my hand against my hip, I walked over to where my sister stood. "In classes, I'm an absolute delight; polite, insightful, and eager to participate. The key is knowing when you're _allowed _to tick people off."  
She rolled her eyes. "I'm glad you reserve that time for me,"  
"You're welcome," I strode down the hallway to the kitchen. Not done with our conversation, my sister followed close behind. "Though, I think you're a bit too optimistic about high school."  
"What do you mean?"  
"It's no rose garden, even for pretty girls like you," I rose up my index finger. "People will try to get you to do stupid things because it's 'in' for a particular phase of life, and others will criticize you simply for succeeding."  
"That's just it though," She beamed. "I'm cooler than you were,"  
"'Looking more like the 'genki girl archetype' doesn't instantly make you popular,"  
"You said it, not me,"  
"'Fact is, success might earn you more friends than enemies," I placed my hand on top of the banister. "The teacher's aren't interested in solving social crises; you're going to have to deal with that yourself."  
"'Got it, got it," It distressed me at the time that she didn't take my advice seriously. After all, isolation motivated me to act like a reprobate; she may be better socially adjusted, but how did I know she wasn't just as vulnerable as I was? How could I be sure she was ready?

"Shinya," My mom asked from the table. While she sipped at a high-caffeine black coffee blend, my father drank a softer blend from the opposite side of the table. "Did you get some more packing done?"  
"Yup," I dug my hand into Akemi's scalp. "Thanks to this pint-sized high schooler's help."  
"Just because I wasn't as tall as you," She shook off my hand, hitting me with a particularly nasty glare. "Doesn't mean I'm short,"  
"Just an observation," I winked.  
"Have you gotten used to the thought of being a college student, Shinya?" My dad inquired, searching my eyes with curiosity. As time's gone on, his hair line's retreated, but I could never see that tender smile ever growing harsh. "After all, classes start this coming Monday,"  
"It's no big deal," I slipped into my seat on the front side of the table. Behind me, Akemi growled at having to walk around either mom's chair to get to her seat. "I've resigned myself to the levels of training required for my field; I wouldn't apply if I didn't know I was ready for it,"  
"That makes sense," My mother nodded slowly. "But don't get overconfident; otherwise, you'll be in for a rude awakening when classes start."  
"I'm wholly familiar with the type of stuff they put students through at the UNCF academy," I leaned back in my chair. "I think you should be more concerned about this one,"  
I motioned to Akemi, cheeks still flaring.  
"I'm not concerned," My dad's earnest smile evaporated my sister's disdain on the spot. "I've seen how friendly she is."  
He turned her way, eager to lighten any insecurities she might have. "They're going to love you; the key is to just be yourself."

"Besides," My mother chuckles. "_You're _the one who's had trouble being overconfident, Shinya."  
"That's different," I slurped a quarter of the ramen noodles in my bowl. "When I was a high school student, I already had insecurities; I knew it was gonna be bad when I got in, and things happened almost exactly as I expected them to. I'm just worried Akemi is gonna take things too seriously,"  
"Since when did you become such a caring brother," She giggled. Admittedly, I couldn't help marveling at how beautiful she looked. _'Looks like I'll have to back more than one boy into an intellectual corner._

"Since you turned 14," I deadpanned, watching a crow fly from a nearby street light. "If you don't handle being a teenager just right, you could end up some kind of basket case."  
"Hey," She grasped my shoulder tightly with her hand. "I'm an 'Itou', remember; we're aces, top of the line, best students in any school we go to; high school's gonna be a cakewalk compared to my plans for college."  
Uncomfortable with her cheeriness, I hung my head. _Maybe I'm just being silly; after all, how on Earth could a girl like her possibly end up unpopular?_

"'Need any more help packing?" She asked with her mouth full, pulling me out from my thoughts.  
"Nah," I waved my hand dismissively. "I might ask for your help later, though."  
"In that case," She raised her bowl in the air, horking down the rest of the soup. "I'm heading back to my bedroom; see you guys later."  
She dashed down the hall to her room. After about a second, I shared a concerned look with mom.  
"Don't look so down, honey," She patted me on the back, her blue eyes filling me with slight confidence. "Akemi will be fine; besides, you have your life's work staring right in front of you; you can't let yourself get distracted because of that."  
Chortling, I stared out the window. "Yeah . . . That's not really like me,"  
"Not at all," My dad shook his head. "Akemi will come through; there's no need to worry at all."

I shifted through my pocket and held up the name tag I'd been granted by the applicant services director:

_Name: Itou Shinya_

_Year: Freshman_

_Date of Birth: March 2, 2171_

_Field of Study: Law Enforcement/Security Detail._

I smiled as I read the info on the card over and over again.

_Right . . . I can't and say I'm not the least bit worried, but . . . I know I'll be prepared._

I took one more longing gaze out the window.

_I just have to make sure I don't mess this up. _


	4. Chapter 4

**4: Goodbye**

_2189, April 6__th __8:08 PM_

"ITOU!"

A shrill voice rang from my cellphone receiver. The voice was female; mom. She was out of breath, desperate; completely without hope.

There wouldn't have been any other reason for her to call several hours after classes ended on my first day of college. Something had happened. Something I'd been reassured wouldn't happen.

Something I was promised wouldn't happen.

I panicked.

"What's wrong? What's wrong!"

"It's, it's Akemi. She said she'd be going to a friend's house after school, but she never came home. The police are everywhere, but they haven't found her . . AH! What happened to her Itou? WHAT HAPPENED?!"

"Calm down!" I snapped. "Do you know where she went?"

"Nobody does. I heard she was bullied by some girls at her school, they said she was worthless, ah, I don't know. Itou, you have to do something!"

"I will!" I slammed my fist against the table in my dorm room. My table vibrated like it was possessed. "Where've they looked?"

"Everywhere! The city park, businesses, people's houses . . . They have no idea where she went!"

Where's dad?"

"He's looking with everyone else. Itou, we nee—"

_Click._

I tossed my coat over my back and left my snoring roommate in our room. The blackness of light was my only companion as I sped towards the city lights.

_I shouldn't have left. I shouldn't have left. I shouldn't have left. What kind of a monster am I?!_

I kicked my foot against the gas pedal, sending my car far above the speed limit. I steered around cars in the midst of the traffic. Out of wishful thinking, I scanned each alleyway for any sign of where she was.

This attracted attention fast. Police sirens blared from behind me.

I kept looking. I had to.

I gazed at everything. Something, anything to prove where she was.

_They promised. Why is this happening? Where was I?_

Those lights covered my entire car in red. I couldn't let them catch me; I had to find her.

Nothing was going to stop me.

I stopped. Cars lined up ahead of me up until the next traffic light. There was no room to move; I was stuck.

Rough tires scratched behind me. I jerked my head to the side. A burning sensation snuck up on the corners of my eyes they went so wide.

There was a wooden slab; a keepsake from an old playground we had at our old house. Scrawled on it with a Sharpee was a short, succinct message.

"_You wiped away my tears . . . That's how I know you've always cared. Thank you for everything,"  
_

I screeched. I threw both feet against the door, forcing it open.

I sprinted to the alleyway next to the sign. Amidst the dark lights, a body, surrounded by a pool of blood.

It was her. Her happy, eccentric face now stuck in a contortion of serenity.

I broke down. I fell to my knees.

And cried.

And cried.

And cried.


	5. Chapter 5

**5: Back to Date**

_2199, 50 days until Earth's extinction_

I sob. Bitter tears run down my hands, staining the floor below. My hair is wet, reeking of sweat from stress.

From behind the cell bars, Kaoru tilts her glasses. Her eyes are pinned to the floor at my feet. More than likely, she's evaluating me; trying to determine how credible my story is.

Once I'm quiet, she puts a stray bang back in its place. Her eyes become visible behind her glasses; not a hint of judgment in her eyes. I'm not used to this side of her; when we were friends, I loved seeing how on-edge I could make her.

Of course, that was before the mutiny failed. On account of her usefulness to the crew, she was let out early.

I, on the other hand, was not to be trusted. I'm still here.

_And I'm damn well glad to be._

"I'm sorry for your loss,"

My head snaps up at her.

"No one deserves to go through something like that." She pens a few more notes into her check list. "But I have one more question for you; do you believe this has anything to do with your decision to lead the mutiny of the Yamato?"

I want to be angry. I want her to snidely rebut my story as a hoax, a desperate attempt at earning time off. It would make me mad, furious. I'd have every excuse to jump at the bars separating us and demand she take it back. She would understand and expect this; because of that, I would feel justified.

Instead, she did her job perfectly. It's like we never knew each other.

That doesn't make me mad. Just dead.

"No,"

A cold, noninflected answer. She saw it coming, too. She marked off another category as if she'd been doing this from youth.

"If you want to stretch this, you could argue I blamed myself for her death, and that I vowed never to let anyone else suffer because of my failure to act. That would provide the perfect motive for me to support Project Izumo, an effort to colonize another planet in hopes of saving lives."

Once again, Kaoru knows what I'm talking. And yet again, she hides it perfectly.

"But that's not true?"

I ponder this for no more than a second. "It's not true in the least. Besides, if her death was so 'traumatizing', why would I act like my old, smart-ass self? If I was interested in helping people, I'd be more honest, and try to get people to tell me their feelings. I wouldn't be a snide security officer out to screw everyone over; I'd be a saint."

This time, she held back a chuckle. Nevertheless, she nodded. "If that's all, this concludes our session, Shinya Itou. However, on behalf of Captain Okita, I have one more question for you."

"'Ever the humanitarian," my lips curl into a familiar smile. "What'd he ask?"

"He wanted to know if you regretted what you did,"

Like before, I have to mull this over. After all, my motivations are nowhere near as complex as she made them out to be, but this question still troubles me. Is there anything about my actions I truly regret? I certainly don't regret them because of guilt. But, something about what I did just doesn't feel right . . .

"Yes,"

Her lips quirk. "Why?"

"That's simple," I lay my head back against the cold, hard floor. "I have to apologize for being out of sorts that day. In a fit of rage, I insinuated that simply being a woman made you a bother."

She levels a hooded glare at me. Fond of her gesture, I give her a small wave. "Do you forgive me?"

A small smirk crosses her face. That tiny expression may have made this whole thing worth it. Just as fast, her eyes close as she walks away from me.

"I will; after all, you have bigger things to worry about."

My former muse shuts the door behind her. Aside from a shake of his head, Hoshina completely ignores me. A shame; I quite enjoyed having him as an apprentice.

As I gaze up at the ceiling, a pleasant thought comes to mind. During my graduation ceremony from the Academy, the moment I saluted, Akemi was next to mom and dad with a left-handed salute.

_I worked hard to get you this far; don't quit on me now, Shinya-kun._

_Idiot. _I chide myself. _She didn't use that nickname at that point._

As I sit there quietly, I think once more to myself before drifting off to sleep.

_It may not as good as getting the chief counselor to smile . . . But it's enough to get me to sleep at night._


End file.
